How not to tweak

The vacancy was tailor-made for me. It was in my coveted niche. CV polished, cover letter written, one push on the right button: the lot was sent to the right mailbox of the right HRM person.

The glitch?

I decided to tweak my LinkedIn profile .
With over 400 applicants per two weeks for such vacancies, maybe this HRM person would check LinkedIn. So I rewrote paragraph after paragraph, using in-favour SEO words, discarding ones machines no longer fancy.

Once finished, I checked: logo and link of a previous employer had vanished.
Found their website: hum, their fundraising picture looked fancy.
Hit what I thought was the right button to incorporate the right info in the right place of my CV.
Worked like a dream – only – …

Something far more fancy popped up: the image of a dinosaur!

Tried to delete it: no luck.
Tried to cut it: no joy.
Tried everything: it remained where it was.

Removed all info regarding my time at that employer?
Picture survived! Though now it had its jaws round my cursor pointer.
Finally, it settled like an exclamation mark, at the very end of my eye-catching introduction!
It refused to budge.

Red faced and sweating, I had nightmares of what might happen:
Former colleagues wondering what planet I’d visited.
Friends asking what diet I’d used.
Foes smugly telling everybody that – honestly – my fangs are that long.

Nobody would hire such a horror!

Only solution: make everything invisible and contact support!
In case you had problems contacting them: they must have died laughing.

A few days later, my ticket still had not been dealt with.
Decided to give it one last try, before obliterating my account.

No idea how it happened: the pic vanished.
My CV suddenly looked as professional and polished, as I intended it to be.
Made it visible again: everything was perfect.

Occasionally, I now have nightmares: I’ve been hired – by a Natural History Museum.


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